 | "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete
projects on time is unspeakable." |
| "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in
accounting." |
| "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store." |
| "Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet." |
| "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse." |
| "I am a rabid typist." |
| "Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig
mail order service on the side." |
| "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for
business." |
| "Proven ability to track down and correct erors." |
| "Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far." |
| "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no
one." |
| "References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me." |
| "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer." |
| "Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were
unappreciative beggars and slave drivers." |
| "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteroology,
I suppose I should try stock brokerage." |
| "I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant." |
| "I am loyal to my employer at all costs ..Please feel free to resond to my resume
on my office voicemanil." |
| "Qualifications: No education or experience." |
| "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets." |
| "Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department." |
| "Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!" |
| "Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you
shorty!" |
